The Surprising Secret to Life: Why You Need a ‚Stop Doing‘ List

He only wore black turtlenecks and jeans in public for 15+ years. The same outfit became his signature style, anytime he took the stage. Steve Jobs was many things: visionary, daring, innovative, and unapologetically simple in his fashion choices.

In an era where choice is celebrated as a symbol of freedom and prosperity, Steve Jobs, a visionary in simplicity, made a remarkable statement with his iconic black turtleneck and jeans. This fashion choice represented not just a style but also a philosophy and a message. We have so many colors, so many cuts, so much options. But he went for black and denim every darn time.

Jobs, in his relentless pursuit of efficiency and focus, understood something profound: that the power of limitation could be far more liberating than the endless maze of choices. His uniform became more than just clothing; it was a symbol of a life lived with intention and purpose, a stark contrast to the menu of endless options that confront us every day.

This tension between the allure of choice and the wisdom of constraints is where we find ourselves constantly struggling. In our quest for more, we often overlook the strength found in less. But what if there was a way to harness this principle of limitation, a strategy not just for our wardrobe, but for all aspects of life?

Here I explore a hack that is applicable to every one – and I wished I had known about it 20 years ago.

The Paradox of Choice

Today’s relentless surge of choices, from infinite career possibilities to a digital universe of entertainment and social connections, places us at an abundance crossroads. This explosion of options, while symbolizing freedom, paradoxically entraps us in a maze of indecision and uncertainty. The responsibility to carve out a meaningful path amidst this chaos leave many people drained and yearning for a break. It’s not just about making choices; it’s about making the right choices and that weighs heavily on the modern soul.

We all know the situation in the supermarket when you try to pick a jar of jam. A simple enough task, one would think. But you scan the shelf, darting from one brand to the next, each boasting an array of flavors – strawberry, raspberry, blueberry, mixed fruit. Instead of empowering you, the abundance of choices sometimes leads you to randomly pick one jar. When you walk on, you can’t shake off a nagging feeling: Did I make the right choice?

Psychologist Barry Schwartz noted this in his discovery of the ‚Paradox of Choice.‘ In today’s world, we face a relentless surge of choices, from the myriad career paths available to the vast digital universe of entertainment and social connections. This abundance places us at a crossroads: the more options we have, the harder it becomes to choose and feel satisfied with our decisions. This phenomenon is what psychologist Barry Schwartz calls the ‚Paradox of Choice.‘ Simply put, while we typically think having many options will make us happier, it often leads to anxiety and dissatisfaction.

Schwartz’s research reveals a surprising twist to our understanding of freedom and satisfaction. When we have too many options, our brain struggles to evaluate them all effectively. This overload not only makes decision-making more challenging but also leaves us less satisfied with our choices. Instead of feeling empowered by the numerous possibilities, we’re often overwhelmed and second-guess our decisions.

In a world that celebrates the abundance of choices as a symbol of freedom, this paradox uncovers a hidden truth: sometimes, fewer choices can lead to better decisions and greater happiness. It challenges the bedrock of our consumer culture, prompting us to reconsider the way we make choices in our daily lives.

Our lives are full of choices, tasks, responsibilities, identities and potentials. This is great. We can chart our path. Ironically, in this era of endless possibilities we all have to-do lists to bring some order and productivity to our days. These lists, filled with tasks and objectives, create an illusion of control and accomplishment. Yet, beneath this veneer of productivity lies a profound realization: we are merely skimming the surface of our lives. The to-do list, in its promise to guide us, fails to address the fundamental question: Are we doing what truly matters?

Here is one hack I want to share. Really simple. And surprisingly relevant to the world we find ourselves in.

The hack that elevates your life

We all have to-do list. And they all leave us with the wish that the day would be a bit longer, that we would be more disciplined to follow through. Each item on our to-do list is a silent promise to ourselves – a commitment to add yet another layer to our already complex lives. But here’s an overlooked hack, a secret too precious to remain hidden: the power of a stop doing list.

Unlike the ever-expanding to-do list, this is a list of things that won’t be done. It’s about making space for what truly matters. My own ’stop doing‘ list is a living document, simply noting activities and commitments I’ve chosen to leave behind, offering clarity and commitment to a more purposeful path.

This list is an exercise in mindful subtraction. It’s not about loss, but about choice – the conscious decision to disengage from tasks misaligned with our values and passions. By identifying and eliminating these, we create room for growth, for pursuits that genuinely resonate with who we are.

Steve Jobs once said:

People think focus means saying yes to the thing you’ve got to focus on. But that’s not what it means at all. It means saying no to the hundred other good ideas that there are. You have to pick carefully.

And he’s right. It’s not just about doing things better and trying harder. Focus in life is about stopping the things that distract us from our true intentions. The ’stop doing‘ list embodies this philosophy. It asks us to consider: What drains rather than energizes us? What clutters our life and clouds our focus? What are we not good at or passionate about and should find ways to get out of?

This list isn’t about denial or loss. It’s about choice. The choice to not engage in activities that don’t align with our deepest values, the decision to let go of tasks that don’t bring joy or add meaning to our existence. It’s about recognizing that our time and energy are limited resources, and we ought to direct them to pursuits that ignite our passion, that resonate with our core.

A cluttered schedule leads to a cluttered mind; simplicity breeds clarity.

While we diligently plan our days with tasks to accomplish, meetings to attend, and goals to achieve, we often forget to plan for peace, for creativity, for moments of unexpected joy. The ’stop doing‘ list brings these back into focus. It’s an invitation to pause and ponder: What are the things that no longer serve me? What are the commitments that drain rather than energize me?

Cultural Contrasts: The Art of Revealing Beauty through Subtraction

In the dimly lit corridors of the Accademia Gallery in Florence, there lies a masterpiece that is world-famous: Michelangelo’s David. It is imposing and a symbol of perfect craftsmanship. How can someone make such a perfect piece out of a slab of marble? What guided his hand? How did he see that in his mind? Michelangelo, a master of his art, believed the true essence of his sculpture was trapped within the marble, yearning to be freed. It wasn’t about molding something new onto the marble, but about stripping away layers, piece by piece, to unveil the magnificence hidden within.

You don’t add to a masterpiece; you reveal it by removing what doesn’t belong.

In the Western world, art is often perceived as a creation ex nihilo, a bringing into being from the void. Picture the quintessential artist before an empty canvas, each stroke a deliberate act of addition, layering colors and forms to conjure something from nothing. This vision of art as creation is deeply ingrained in the Western psyche, reflecting a broader cultural narrative of accumulation and achievement.

In his great piece „How to want less“ author Arthur Brooks visits the National Palace Museum in Taiwan. Surrounded by ancient Chinese art, he recalls a conversation with his guide when looking at a Buddhist statue.

“What do you think of when imagining a work of art yet to be started?” the guide asked.

“An empty canvas, I guess,” Brooks responded.

The guide nodded, “In the West, yes. But imagine instead an uncarved block of jade.” He gestured towards the majestic Buddha. “The art isn’t created; it’s revealed by removing what doesn’t belong.”

This simple exchange illuminated the stark contrast between Eastern and Western art philosophies. In the West, creation often means adding to the emptiness, while in the East, it’s about uncovering the inherent beauty by stripping away the superfluous. This idea of subtraction versus addition transcends art, offering a profound insight into different cultural approaches to life and satisfaction.

This story encapsulates a deeper truth about the Eastern and Western perspectives on life and satisfaction. In the West, we often equate a successful life with accumulation – of experiences, possessions, achievements. However, Eastern philosophies suggest an inverse approach: as we grow, our goal shouldn’t be to gather more to represent ourselves, but to strip away the extraneous, revealing our true selves.

Simplifying for the Soul

Our journey reveals a profound lesson: more isn’t always better. Inspired by Steve Jobs‘ clothing style, the ‚Paradox of Choice‘, and Eastern approach to art, we understand that true richness comes from focusing on what really matters. It’s about less clutter and more meaning.

Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication in our complex world.

The easy hack is this: a ’stop doing‘ list. Start a simple document where you add things over that time that do not belong to you anymore. Let it be a tool to help you find clarity and purpose. By removing the unnecessary, we make space for what’s truly valuable.

And here’s the most beautiful part: as we simplify our lives, we open ourselves to the greatest idea ever proposed – the kingdom of God for you and me. This isn’t just about saying no to the trivial; it’s about saying yes to a life of God-flow. This isn’t just about removing things; it’s about choosing a better way to live. Begin this journey. Embrace simplicity and find the richness in life.